Word swaps to be more grief-informed

Sometimes, words can convey messages we may not mean. Many of our trainings talk in detail about grief-informed language. This blog post is a resource for folks who are looking to use more grief-informed language. (If you want to learn more about why to make these swaps, we encourage you to join our yearly Prepared Presence mini-course in September, or to take a Haven Bereavement Doula Training!)

Here are some phrases you can swap out in order to be a bit more grief-informed. 

If the whole list is overwhelming, just take it one phrase at a time! 

Phrase to Avoid	Options to Swap In
How many children have you had?	How many pregnancies have you had? (for a medical approach), or Tell me about your loved ones (for a social approach)
Prior birth experience, for those with children	Prior birth experience
Tissue, products of conception, forming cells	Little one
Parent-to-be, sibling-to-be, future baby	Parent, sibling, little one
First-time parent	First time full term, parent now expecting a rainbow, or non-experienced parent
Miscarried	experienced a miscarriage
Ended in loss instead of birth	ended in a bereavement birth, or ended in loss
Birth or loss	Birth whatever the outcome
It happened for a reason	Silence, or “I am so sorry”
At least	Silence, or agreement
Have you tried	Silence, “I am so sorry,” or “Do you want to tell me more about that? I would like to hear it”
You’re young, you can… / there will be plenty more chances	Silence, “I am so sorry”, or “Let me know how I can best help – by listening or by researching options with you”
Your body knows what to do	You have a team ready and willing to support you, or What is your body telling you?
Next baby	I’m here to support you, whatever the future brings
Refund	(Abby has a serious ethical problem with this concept, not just this word, in loss scenarios; check this post out for more information.)

What other swaps do you suggest? Comment below and let us all know.

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash