How to ask for help after a loss

8 hours ago
2 min read

Asking for help after a loss can be difficult. You may not know what you need, and you may not know what you want help with. Here is a list of ideas for you to consider in how to ask your social support networks for help after a loss.

Share any details about the loss you want to share and are comfortable with sharing. You do not need to share any.
Communicate to your community or support people: “We are so grateful for the offers of support we have received. We want to share with you the best ways to support us during this time / the most helpful forms of support / the ways we will feel most loved.”
List ideas for how people can help you, with any details people would need to do them:
1. Bring food (include number of people eating, any allergies / dislikes, etc.)
2. Bring gift cards for food (specify any relevant restaurants)
  1. “We would appreciate someone setting up a meal train website for us, especially with Monday and Wednesday slots.”
  2. “We would especially appreciate gifts of food. Because of food allergies, our family will be most helped by gift cards to any of the following restaurants:”
3. Drop off groceries; here is a typical list of things that are useful for us
  1. Tea, coffee, beans / canned goods, boxed things like pasta
4. Support us through a gift of service (cleaning, caring for living children – provide specifics such as “Taking X to the park for an hour” or “Caring for X during a doctor’s appointment at X date and X time”...)
5. Drop off a craft kit that is something X and Y could do together (Clifford, Thomas, or construction vehicle coloring pages may also be of interest) (sticker / activity books?)
  1. Ideas:
    1. Adult coloring book (don’t need coloring supplies other than the book)
    2. Finger paints / paint set for kids
    3. Blue painters tape
6. Drop off or send us books (pre-owned are wonderful)
7. Attend Baby’s funeral burial // ritual at X time and X place OR at place to be determined
8. Let us know if you are willing to help lift some of the administrative burden – such as scheduling appointments for us or helping us connect to resources we need in the community or picking up medications if needed
9. Send X funny animal videos to watch
10. Record yourself reading a children’s story to (living child) X and send the recording to Parents to use when they need a little break
11. Write thank you notes on our behalf / send us some blank thank you notes or stamps.
12. Drop off flowers (any kind). We are okay with any kind of flowers, and we are okay with cuts or plants / We prefer potted plants to cuts that will die soon.

I hope these ideas serve as a useful starting point for you in asking for help.