Haven Doula Spotlight: Deb Loera

In this spotlight, we feature Haven Doula and longtime member of the Haven community, Deb Loera.

Why did you decide to become a bereavement doula?

Grief is a deep, emotionally heavy space, and it’s its own special niche. It isn’t something someone steps into just because there’s a calling to birth work. It takes discernment, time, and learning what hands are meant to hold, and what they are not.

When I stepped into doula work, it became clear along the way that I had been shaped for bereavement work too. Quietly, over the years, I collected skills without realizing what it was for. If I’m being honest, a lot of those tools didn’t come from a classroom. They came from my own experiences with loss, grief, and pain.

For a long time, my own grief went unrecognized, buried under the need to survive the day, and the need to be present for loved ones who were hurting. It wasn’t until more recent years that I understood how it had shaped me. While walking with friends and loved ones through their own tragedies, I’ve seen what it looks like when the world kept moving while theirs had stopped. Those experiences equipped me to sit with a grieving family without rushing and just holding space when there were no words.

Why did you decide to take the Haven Bereavement Doula Training?

I decided to take the Haven Bereavement Doula Training because it felt like the natural next step after taking Abby’s “Caring for Clients Through Loss” course. I wanted a more in-depth training so I could serve families with all the tools possible. Haven gave me both language and much-needed structure to help support the families I serve.

Abby has been a meaningful mentor, intuitive and deeply empathetic. Watching how she shows up for families helped shape the kind of presence I want to be, and the level of care I want behind that presence.

In the child loss bereavement world, there aren’t crowds of people lined up to support families. The need is real, and the silence around it can be heavy. From what I’ve seen, Haven has created a space where grief is allowed to exist without being hurried or cleaned up for anyone else’s comfort; where families are genuinely heard and cared for. I wanted to be one more safe person in that space, equipped and able to help in real time.

What does serving as a bereavement doula look like for you right now?

Right now, my bereavement work looks a lot like quiet presence. It’s mostly one on one, sitting and listening, letting clients set the pace. Support looks like a phone call, a virtual chat, meeting at a local coffee shop, or even a walk on a warmer day. Or it can be in someone’s home, or at a hospital. I show up wherever and whenever support is needed.

Grief can be isolating and confusing, especially when decisions must be made while the heart is still catching up. My role is helping families find the resources and support they need, and it is never a too early or too late to reach out.

How else do you serve your community?

I volunteer with local organizations that support young, under-resourced families. I offer peer support, childbirth education, and doula care to meet families right where they are. The goal is to help fill gaps, answer questions, and make sure families have access to trustworthy resources, practical support and basic needs like food and clothing.

What is one thing that you like to do to take care of yourself?

Taking care of myself looks like simple grounding: A call or visit with a friend, a hot drink in hand. A crochet project that’s awe inspiring, the kind that makes my brain light up, all while a good podcast or movie plays in the background. Or it could be a good book!

Best yet, is time outside. A boat, a horse, a quiet drive, anything that puts me under the sky and reminds me to breathe deeply. Silence is my friend, it’s where I come to reset.

Do you have any advice for anyone who is considering becoming a bereavement doula?

If becoming a bereavement doula is something you feel called to, my biggest advice is this: breathe. Take little bites, not big ones. This work can reach deep into a person, sometimes in ways that aren’t expected.

It’s okay to go slow. It’s okay to step back when needed. Limits are not weakness; they are part of what helps a doula stay steady.

Take counsel with those who have gone before you and ask questions. Learn from their wisdom and the things they’ve learned to hold gently.

And truly, I mean this, bless anyone who feels called to step into this space. Families deserve skilled, tender support in their darkest hour, and this kind of presence matters more than most people will ever realize.

We thank and honor Deb for her beautiful work!

You can learn more about Deb at her website, https://www.debjdoulaservices.com/more-on-bereavement-support.